Transracial Adoption from one black girl’s perspective

Archive for September, 2005

New Link Added – Exiled Mothers

It seems that this thread that I am on is becoming a theme for my blog right now.

On one of the adoption lists that I'm on, someone who has no idea how right on they are sent the link I added to the right Exiled Mothers. Its interesting to me because i know that in my situation, the birth father didnt want to sign the relinquishment papers, and it took over a year for my parents to get the final decree because of this. What does this mean when we think about the struggles and lies that state agencies tell birth parents? What did they tell him to get him to sign?

——

In DIRECT relationship to the comment Christopher B. wrote on the last post – this quote was on the Exiled Mothers website.

What does the Bible say about adoption?
"THE WICKED SNATCH FATHERLESS CHILDREN FROM THEIR MOTHER'S BREASTS, AND TAKE A POOR MAN'S BABY AS A PLEDGE BEFORE THEY WILL LOAN HIM ANY MONEY OR GRAIN" –Job 24:9–

I have much more to say about this -especially since I'm not a religious person – but i gotta get to work.


Selling Babies

Maybe its because I see things for what they are. Maybe I'm thinking too hard. (I doubt it). Maybe its because I'm getting older?

I'm taking a solo performance workshop in SF that is assisting me in writing and turning into a play/ solo performance about some of the diffucult parts of the birth search and my own personal issues that are being revealed as I'm moving through this moment in my life and my gaze back to my childhood.

Because I've been writing about this, and thinking hard about my birth, my adoption, my life in relationship to my family, my parents… etc.. I keep noticing things in a different way that are now being revealed to me as I move through my daily life. I mean, I already have a sharp eye for identifying racism, racist politics etc… but for some reason when i was in class I said something about the "marketing issue" of my 'papers' that were presented to my parents that said my 'racial mix' (see the first Welcome to the Birth Project post) – it seems like its becoming a theme. This paper, that documents my racial background as one thing, when clearly I am something else – was part of the reason I was appealing to my parents. As I mentioned before, in the 1970's transracial Asian adoptions were at a high and i was part of that 'trend'. This marketing ploy to present me to a well-meaning white family will become a funny part of my play – BUT – today I came across this and my visceral reaction was so strong I nearly got sick all over my keyboard. and I think the question for me is becoming WHY did I have such a strong reaction? What about this makes me sick? Why does it bother me? I'm not sure… but I will be doing some more writing and some more mental digging to work it through. As far as my performance is concerned.. im concerned because my teacher/director says that its diffucult to write and perform something when you are inside the middle of it.. and i clearly am inside the middle of this. How will that affect what I am able to create?

"The director of Covenant Care (Christian Adoption agency in GA) asked me to help her network to find an adoptive family. This is what she shared:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We have a situation with a sibling group (2yo and 5yo African American boys) that need a family.
The boys are healthy and normal with recent psychological information available. We have been working with their Mother who has been adamant that she wants these boys placed with a family.
She has struggled being a Mom and has 3 other children, but her
other children have the support of their birth fathers. We have
pictures and other information on them if you would like to discuss this with us…
The contact person for these boys is ******** (my edit) .
A non negotiable for CCS is always a two-parent Christian family, the parents must be full communicant church members, pro-life, and between the ages of 25 and 48 (age limit for Af Am), married 3 years for a first marriage, 5 years for a second or subsequent marriage and be willing to sign our Statement of Faith. We also require a church evaluation to be completed by their pastor. The placement fees for Af. Am adoptions is $3800 and for each additonal child, it would be $1000 (In the adoption of a sibling group or multiple births). This of course does not include the Home Assessment fee which is done separately and depending on the circumstances is between $1250 and $1500."


I mean, how else do I think these things get done? You have a child, you send out an advertisement yes? But isnt that something like brokering humans? But then how else do I think things get done? What would make this process better? How else to parents find children? Children find parents?


coming back online

Its been a bit of time that I've actually done any work on the birth project. I'm still waiting for my non-ID from Olympia. I moved and have started school again, so as soon as my schedule settles in – I'm setting a trip for late september or early october to go to WA to check out the marriage and divorce archives.

I have to say – with the tsunami and the new orleans chaos – people looking for brown babies is at a high. I'm on a few transracial adoption lists and its interesting to me how during these past two catastrophic, – life changing moments – people still think about adopting children. I think about this several ways. One is – of course, the need/want for a child never ends and many of those ready to adopt – simply want a child. The other is – or actually the "BUT" on this first thought is – are they truely prepared to parent a child with skin color that is different? AND are they ready to challenge thier own lives, thoughts, and ways of BEING to handle this preperation? I'm so over the thought process that argues that race doesnt matter. It may not matter to us in our individual identities, but it matters when the child goes out into the world. and to act like it doesnt exsist – is to practice negligence in our parenting. Your job is to protect your child from pain, and to prepare them for the world. To act like race doesnt exsist – or that the material ramifications of race arent a reality – …. is wrong.


Maybe she doesnt want to be found

On days like today, i think, what if my birth mother doesnt want to be found? I'm on about 5 different lists for searchers and birth mothers, have spent extensive time on the internet, loggin hours and hours searching for details. I watch other birth mothers and adoptees be found over and over again and it still doesnt happen to me.

days like today. i think, what if she doesnt want me to find her? what if i would be ruining the life she has created for herself? but then, what does that make me?


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