sittin a circle
having new sisters look at my non-ID
for more than one minute
without handing it back.
This entry was posted on November 1, 2006 by Lisa Marie. It was filed under Adoption .
Right back there with ya, babe.
November 2, 2006 at 3:56 am
I know this entry might not make sense to alot of folks and I realized I should write a longer blog about thisand i will later. I just wanted to let you, Amy, Harlows Monkey know that that night we were sharing pictures, stories and non-id files – was such a big deal for me. I never in my life have had people who actualy sat and looked at my non-ID for for than 5 minutes without handing it back and nodding knowingly, and then changing the subject. It was such a moment for me to have someone who I know is nodding knowingly, and understands and is interested in my story in a deep way. I’m not saying my friends and family arent’ sensitive, but there are days when all I want to do is talk about my scars, my band-aids, my healed marks. I am thankful for that night and for my connection with you and every other TRA I’ve met because of this blog.
November 3, 2006 at 11:53 am
What is a non-ID?
November 3, 2006 at 4:15 pm
LM, I felt exactly the same way at the TRA conference in NYC, when I spent half the night talking with Susan Harris, and we were sharing stories, and there was SUCH a deep knowing/understanding there. And at one point we both shrieked, I have to tell you my private detective/birthfather story! It was one of those moments for me. That we BOTH had dealt with totally wacko detectives in our searches. And most people hear about my detective story the way that most people tune into Reality TV; because it’s fascinating and weird; but she was so totally INTO it because she had been through the same, bizarre thing.
And: you can call me any time. I am dying to see your non-ID info. I have some too.
kim, non-ID is “non-identifying information” and it is what adoption agencies give out as crumbs to searching adoptees; rather than IDENTIFYING information that would have names, phone numbers, addresses etc. They’re like a story without the details. But for a lot of us, it’s all we’ve got.
November 3, 2006 at 7:52 pm
I thought the closed-mouth period had ended, and been kinda retrofiited for those who were born before this time we are in, where I am under the impression that a birth-parent can give permission for his/her information to be given to the requesting adult/child.
November 3, 2006 at 8:07 pm
Kim – yeah this is part of the early legacy of closed adoptions that still lingers with those of us who are searching for information currently. We only get ‘hints’ about who we are supposedly to protect the BP’s if they dont want to be found. Particularly in WA state, it is still against the law for me to recieve my original birth certificate or get information about my BP’s without a court order or without the assistance of a “Confidential Intermiediary” to be the ‘go between’ if the BP’s dont want to be found. stupid.
So yes, as Susan says – for me – its really where I look to find information about my Bfam. While I’ve made contact with my BM, her story is different than what is on the papers, so its still a game of constructing a history.
November 4, 2006 at 1:17 pm
Thank you so much for responding, both Susan and Lisa Marie.
I send you both a wish for peace as you search, and especially after you are able to make contact. I have no illusions about all the questions and pain being wiped away.
I absolutely love the tone of those who comment at your site; the general mood and openness found here.
November 4, 2006 at 2:06 pm
and correction: I meant “The Hyphenator” who was there that night!
November 6, 2006 at 2:58 pm
I hope next time it really is me
November 8, 2006 at 9:15 pm
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