Crazy Dream

i just woke up from the craziest dream!

I was at my childhood home in washington (the house I grew up in, not the house my parents moved to in 2000) and my parents sit me down finally to talk more about the adoption and it is revealed to me that my adoptive mother is my real mother, and she shows me pictures of my birth father. There pictures of this light skinned black man who is really handsome and looks my age. Shes got like 10 of them and tells me that she was just ashamed and couldnt tell anyone so they told everyone, including me that I was adopted. My dad played along because he didnt want anyone to know my mom had slept with anyone else. The pictures were black and white and all i remember is being totally hurt because of all the conversations we had had in the past 3 years about what they remember in terms of the adoption, and them continuing to lie to me about what they knew! I kept trying to use the phone to call Kwasi to tell him that he was right about them having a big secret, but they wouldnt let me use the phone.

it was crazy!

I'm a firm beliver in dreams and that they have meaning for your awake world. I'm not sure what this means, it could just be a manifestation of my frustration that my parents dont remember more. At times I feel like they are totally supportive. My mom is very supportive, my dad always gets a bit uncomfortable and seems like he's tired of me looking. I always let them know I love them, but its that thing of seeming ungrateful – yes? I've read a few places that adoptees are good at being grateful because everyone keeps letting them know how lucky they are. So even if they arent completely comfortable, they dont wanna rock the boat because they dont want to seem like they arent thankful for being 'rescued' from whatever horrors their lives could have been. Imagined horrors are the worst – yes?

just like stereotypes about people. imagined and powerful.

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