I just hope people will read today's post without shutting down, and with serious consderation for what I am critiquing.
i am overwhelmed at times by the arrogance of white people who just think that if we dont talk about race, and if we just teach our children that racism is wrong then the world will be ok. Its never about looking in-depth about what racism IS and what particular ACTS are racist. People get caught up in the "intention" arguement. In other words, if I didnt "mean it" then its not racist. People think that unless Im doing outright violence or wide open discriminatory acts then its not racist!
Isnt is racist to assume that because i am white i can take care of those tsunami babies better than their own people can? I'm not arguing that there arent some folks who just dont care, and they just want a baby – but …
http://www.answeredprayers2.org/index.html
what do i do with things like this website – that when i look at the faces of the kids who have been taken to homes with other siblings – white siblings – I CRINGE! All i do is think about these girls and boys in their new homes, in all-white neighborhoods, going to all-whtie schools, with people saying fucked up things to them their entire lives – both children AND adults!
what does it mean that I'm so full of fear for these children who's parents may WANT to protect them, but do not have the tools to do it! Are they developing friendships with people of color? Are they adopting other siblings that look like the 1st child? Do they talk to their children about race? Do they go to places where other people of color live/eat/party/dance/church etc?
A Birth Project 
I just came across your blog as I was registering my blog on blogs by black women. I’m late I know, but this particular post is so powerful! I became very emotional when I read it. Though I am not adopted, I try to imagine what it must be like for a little black boy/girl to be dropped off in some lily white home, and lily white community. What a culture shock that must be, and I’m sure traumatic in some cases.
Love doesn’t defeat all. Sorry white people. It’s not that simple.
i am adoptive mother, I am not white (i learned that during my first year of living in this country). I am from LatinAmerica and my son is African American. We adopted him from the Foster Care System in Louisiana.
since we first started the process to become a foster-adoptive parents we have asked ourselves if it is correct to adopt transracially…and if we wanted to take the challenge of adopting a black child in Louisiana. We decided not to do it but we changed ours mind after maybe 2 years of fostering: there are too many children in foster care, too many waiting and hoping for a forever family, too many black children, just a few families willing to foster, willing to adopt from foster care, and black families. We are the only hispanic foster-adoptive family in the area. No hispanic children to foster or adopt.
well we said” it is better a transracial family than NO family at all.
We understand the challenge or at least we are aware of the challenges we could face and our son could face in his life. We are reading, we are preparing ourselves to help him. We met his biological mother and she “liked us” for him (those were her lawyer’s words). She relinqueshed, they never found the father…I did not take a child from his mother, the state did not took her child. She left him at the hospital. The first foster family (black family) wasn’t a good match for him. We were.
He doesn’t have a black mom or father as identity reference but he would find it in others. He has a supportive family, he also have his lifebook, all the information I could gather about his biological family, a picture of his birth mother, her last address. He doesn’t have anything else because she did not agree with keeping contact with me. I asked her and she asked me not to contact her.
Race is not everything in one person’s life. I know that Racism exists (we are not white, I am not American. we know about that). We did not adopt him because we were sorry for “this poor little black child”. We adopted because we wanted a family and he came to us. Maybe it is not the perfect or ideal family, but it is a family. Race doesn’t make a perfect family. It was a black woman who abandoned him. Color shouldn’t matter then when raising a child.
I just started reading your blog. I will continue doing it and sending comments. Thanks
Hey Lina! thanks for coming by and commenting. I look forward to hearing more. I think its great that you, as a person of color acknowledge the challenge of racism in our society, as it will definitely be an asset to you as an ally to your son who is growing up as a black man in the south. and Yes yes yes “Color shouldn’t matter when raising a child”, but sadly, it does. Which is why I write and do the work I do, so that folks who are parenting black children can have support.
I am super late here! I am doing my due diligence to search for information regarding trans racial adoptees and ended up on your blog.
My wife and I adopted our son. He is Mexican with dark skin (my wife and I are both white). I have a biologically “half” sister, who is black/white and adopted and raised by my white dad and mom in the late 70s. I’ve seen first hand what color/culture blindness does.
I also have 6 nieces and nephews all of whom are mixed white/black/native and mexican/white. I am transgender and my mom is Jewish, the two don’t belong in the same sentence, but maybe in the same breath as minorities. 🙂
I believe I am culturally aware and sensitive. My wife and I will not move from TX because we want people who look like our son within reach. We hope to have him in a bilingual school next year and plan to start talking to him about his adoption very soon (he turns 3 next week). We adopted him through networking within our community and adopted him at birth from a woman who is undocumented. We have stayed in touch through Facebook and saved pictures and stories for him to see. She doesn’t want the adoption open. …. we would prefer that it was.
Transracial adoption is a huge responsibility which i understand as an AP who knows racism from a personal yet white place. And has lived with personal and familial discrimination. From the outside I seem like a white dude who may not know the importance of the task that lies ahead. On the inside, it’s much different, and that knowledge terrifies me sometimes. However, I do think it’s important to note what’s outside may not always be what’s under the covers.
Thank you for taking the time to share your story. I am looking forward to continuing to read.
I do have a couple of questions:
– What do you recommend white parents do to prepare their non white children for the world as transracial adoptees?
– Do you recommend culturally immersing the child or just opening the door to the culture?
Thoughts of all types are appreciated. Thanks again. …
With sincere appreciation,
Shaye