She’s just bitter

I need to comment on a post I read on a TRA list that caters to parents who are considering adoption. The woman posting was writing for support from other folks who have had issues with thier families and how thier families have reacted when they say they are bringing a black child into thier homes. This woman wrote (and I am paraphrasing because I dont think in this case its right for me to just cut and paste) that her father in law (FIL) uses the word "nigger" on a regular basis, and that he has indicated that he will not acknowledge the child, or pay for the child's education when he has already set aside funds for the other white children in the family. The woman and her husband of course are appaled by this behavior and are planning to divide up the educational funding between all the children and (I hope) not say anything to them about thier grandfather's racist words and actions. At this moment – today – the black little boy is still a foster child and not adopted.

how can i say this without getting hate mail. STOP!!! just stop. just send the kid back and just stop. this isnt a fucking experiement. this isnt something we can 'try out' and hope that it turns out ok. this is NOT a toy, a piece of property that can be fixed. This is a human with spiritual energy – and the ability to read and understand MUCH more than people can give him credit for. Do these parents really believe that thier child wont grow up and wonder why grandpa wont look at him in his face? Do they really thing they can avoid going to grandpa's house for the next 10 years? the next 20 years? and when/if they do – how dare they assume that it is ok to put all of that energy on to that child as if he can handle it! I repeat – potential TRA parents: this is not about you! This is about a child who you supposedly love and want to protect. Do all of us adult TRA's a favor and just stop and check yourself! damn! and as John in Struggle for Identity says  ask yourself – WHY are you adopting this child? What are your motivations? "Is it to raise a child to make him white? Or [are you adopting a child] to raise a strong, culturally connected individual of color that is going to help liberate thier people. . . ?"

Let me also add a comment that with the explosion of TRA blogs, TRA parent blogs, email lists, essays, etc.. how much more I have seen potential TRA parents attempt to invalidate or completely silence the anger that comes from adult TRA's who are just finding the language to articulate their experiences. It is written off as bitterness, or as 'not the way it has to be because we are some of the good parents' or 'with all the resources today… blah blah blah blah… I'm so tired of this arrogance that assumes to know better than the people who have lived the experiement of so-called 'coloblindness'.

 or what… maybe its just a bad day? i doubt it. one.


4 thoughts on “She’s just bitter

  1. So how much do I love this post? And how much do I love that new blog header up there?


    I only log on to lurk on TRA parent discussion groups once in a blue moon because it makes my blood pressure shoot up to deadly levels. At least I don’t tell them to shut the fuck up, that they don’t know what they are talking about (even if I think it…), the way they do to TRAs. Crazy bitches.

  2. Welcome back. Great job on your template! It shows has strength and character. After what I’ve experienced through blogging, reading blogs and forums, I don’t know if there’s anything you can say. You’d think it would be obvious, right? Nooooo! How do you make the stubbornly clueless realize that TRA children aren’t nearly as clueless as CWAPs chose to be?

  3. I’m sorry that some people insist stubbornly on being stupid. I am here to learn, in humility and with respect. That video really hit my husband and I hard – and opened our eyes. We realized there was so much to learn in order to love and honor our child. We realized that love alone is not enough.

  4. OMG, I could have never said that better. You are so right! “Stop! Just Stop!” Adopting a child, any child can not be to fullfill one’s own needs. The only good reason would be to fullfill the child’s needs! If you can’t do that within your family than don’t try!

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