Ack – “Forever Family”?

Thanks to Roosh for this article on the front page of the SF Chronicle.

Somebody get these guys a flyer to come see my show,  and add a few books to that list of things you need for a baby. Good Jezuz.

This article does nothing to further a conversation about the complexity of transracial adoption. It is simply one more article that does nothing but celebrate the good whiteness of these parents who are doing ‘gods work’ saving these black children from the hell of whatever lives they would have had in the system.

My comments are mostly about the writer of the article. If she would have done even a little bit of research – in fact, even reading that wack article from the NYTimes that was on the front page a few weeks ago she could have gotten at least SOME perspective about the difficulty of inter-race relationships – particularly ones that are so wrought with family dynamics. It’s so difficult to talk about race with people who are so intimately tied to you, because you are extra sensitive. How can a young child be expected to divulge to a parent that they are embarrassed that their parents are white? And are they even being given the space to say that out loud without the danger of being told they are ‘ungrateful’ or having their loyalty to their parents questioned?


Fernandez gives us nothing about these questions or how these parents are attempting to deal with these difficulties.


Why the hell does she keep saying “children of color”? ALL of these young men are black! They aren’t a diverse mixture of races – they are all African descent.

Am I mistaken or in the 6th ‘paragraph’ – does it say, “Dogged by years of racial bigotry and sexual discrimination” ? . . . tha hell? huh? I get that this couple may have been harassed for living out as a queer couple, but I’m confused about the racial bigotry they supposedly have been ‘dogged’ by. Fernandez doesn’t even expand on this – because I think it’s a freakin typo, because both these men are white. Somebody correct me if I’m wrong. The one section where race is discussed in this article is where Fernandez talks to Jill Jacobs, and Carol Griffin the social worker who facilitated the adoptions of the boys. Jacobs dismisses the “outcry from the African American community” and Fernandez does nothing to discuss the other intricacies of why same-race adoptions are so difficult. Fernandez also says in one breath that race doesn’t matter (or is it sexual orientation?) yet reveals what Griffin discussed with Stewart and White:

For Griffin, placing the boys with Stewart and White was not an issue for her or her department. “What we discussed was how they were going to talk through the issues with the kids: You are white, they are kids of color, and you are gay. Adoptive parents tend to become color-blind. They don’t see race when they see their children. But everybody else does.” 

and that’s it. Fernandez moves on – ummmm. . . so what was Stewart and White’s response to this? Nothing? and was this seriously the ONLY conversation about race that was had? oh man…. My list for Gregory Stewart and Stillman White:

any additions that I forgot my friends?


7 thoughts on “Ack – “Forever Family”?

  1. Hi Lisa Marie, looking forward to you weighing in.
    The article was a big topic at yesterday’s PACT playdate at Chrissy Field. Some folks wanted to get them a PACT membership, invite them to the playdates, and otherwise reach out, but also to contact the journalist to urge her to learn more in depth about the subject before she ever writes again gee whiz, isn’t this novel, how nice that these “unwanteds” found each other. I don’t feel equipped to write the response to the journalist, except for one line about the kids that killed me, “No one wanted them.” How does she know? There’s a huge difference between wanting a child and being able to take care of a child. That label is hurtful and unfair and probably completely untrue. Moreover, those young men are old enough to read the paper. Did she even think about how they would feel? Probably not. Aargh!

  2. I think we should invite the whole family to Pact family day in November. And I also think a lot of the fault lay with the writer, not necessarily the dads. She was obviously the clueless one. Will someone write a letter to the editor? LM?

  3. I can certainly appreciate your perspective on this article. One thing that really offended me was that she seemed to be telling too much of the boy’s stories. Their stories are theirs to tell….not for someone to splurge about in an article. And, I think Sheila makes a great point too….that certain comments about the boy’s backgrounds may not even be true.

    I think when they talk about “sexual discrimination and racial bigotry” they are talking about the experience of the family as a whole….but I may be wrong. I thought they meant that because they seemed to then go on and talk about the family as a whole. It’s not really clear.

  4. As a white adoptive mom of an African-American, I take your suggestions to heart. Your post suggests films — but doesn’t include a lik to a list. Do you have one?

  5. sorry abou the “film link” – i swear i meant to finish that. lol. I’ll do it in a day or so. Yes, I think many letters should make it to the editor!! I’m writing one and I’ve been contacted by 3 other folks who are writing one. I’ve cc’d it to the author. damn i cant wait until “Outsiders Within” comes out.. lol

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